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Saturday, February 8, 2014

"To everything turn, turn turn ~there is a season ....I swear it's not too late"




March 6th is my new birth date ;
six years of cancer free living ~On that date I had my
Mastectomy and reconstruction birthday ..( I just hit my eight year lumpectomy surgery this week.)
It also happens to be the day my daughter, Cara Podenski is scheduled to give birth to her first child ... I see this as a sign . A miraculous beginning . I have called my daughter over and over, left messages and she has never returned or answered my calls. over the last 5 years.
I do not block my number because I am not giving up hope that she will answer . I do not know of anything I have done and I have no answers.. I was even told I would be arrested if I came to her Wedding. Although I keep trying, I can't be the only one to mend this relationship between mother and daughter. What could I have done so terrible to deserve this exile. Nothing.
I just know that I am to be a Grandmother, and I earned that right, but I also want my daughter to exorcise her demons for her mental and physical health. Unless she accepts that I'm not going away, she will be hurting her child and he/she deserves to have me in their life . I deserve that, and I won't stop trying .
I'm not perfect, but I am human and I hurt. I need to conjure up all my strength this coming month... I hope no one experiences this... It is so painful ..I will never accept that she has "Forgotten" her own mother. I will never forget I have a daughter.