Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Skipping the Light Fandango

"We skipped the light fandango
turned cartwheels 'cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
but the crowd called out for more..."
-A Whiter Shade of Pale~ Procol Harem, 1967

Time has been good to me and it is on my side.
Since I last updated, I have had surgery to replace the "ruptured" implants. My silicone implants were replaced with saline ones and to my shock, I was told by my surgeon with a snide tone that they were not ruptured. He proceeded to tell me that he could not find a leak, but the MRI scan said otherwise. He than accused me of having pre-breast reconstruction implants and that the silicone floating in my chest was from a previous rupture. I was unabashedly upset and he said that there was no other explanation. I protested and told him that was not the case. I was outraged the more he persisted. I have to admit I was in tears after he removed the bandages.. Months lapsed and a few stitches were not dissolved. The cosmetic look was not to my standards. My new plastic surgeon concurs. The ordeal I experienced was not without feelings of anger, grief, and outrage. What was thought to be silicone rupture, was not detected. This is a very rare phenomenon. I am now in University of Washington files. My radiologist found this to be unprecedented enough to send my results and PET scan to the prestigious Medical Center. I had interaction with this hospital in previous years. My doctors were based out of that facility. I am hopeful that they will find some answers.
My new cosmetic surgeon was not surprised at all by the surgeon's behavior. He has apparently exhibited the same disturbing behavior to other patients.
I encourage women to do research before selecting a surgeon. I asked around, but did not do a search to see if he had lawsuits against him. Big mistake, and unfortunately I have found that many patients do not report their negative experience. It would behoove you not to investigate further. I have learned that lesson the hard way.

I am at a precipice. Do I face surgery again? Do I live with my saline implants or have yet another surgery? I have chosen the least invasive of the two, for now.

I am very grateful that my recent ultrasound this month, was "unremarkable", and that is positive news. I am learning to stop worrying. My mood is ecstatic but still cautious and encourage all breast cancer survivors to have a team that you can trust. If you have a gut feeling go with it. It is so important to listen to your instincts. Do not suppress that nagging doubt. Most likely you are correct to be concerned.
I passed My fifth year anniversary since my first breast cancer diagnose and I find myself reflecting on the last few years. I have determined that positive attitude is very therapeutic in recovery. I have learned how to stay away from negativity and negative people, yes even family can put up road blocks, but it is my choice whether I allow it into my life. Once again, I will reitierate, that we all have choices.
The word "grateful" is an understatement. I am learning to live for the moment and celebrate all the little things that can easily be taken for granted.

 Carpe diem.