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Thursday, March 26, 2009

when we must make choices....

I have been becoming a bit despondent lately and it has been a roller coaster ride....I have trouble sleeping, and than at about 2-3 pm (used to be 4 pm) everyday, I am hit with overwhelming fatigue...I can't keep my eyes open and it puts a fear in me when I get behind the wheel, but I have no choice..I must press on..Today was a good day; though the fatigue hit me hard at 3pm, I was happy to see a smiling and magnanimous plastic surgeon, caring and hopeful; what a difference from my last experience..He is kind and empathetic..he was wonderful, and his assistant was from Scarsdale, NY! my home town! I tried to hold back the tears, when I realized that the only way to find out the truth was to have my magnet expander's FINALLY taken out..it is a relief, but still, very frightening to be alone and facing a major surgery. A possiblity than after a approximately month of convalescing and not being able to do anything physical I will a test to see if the cancer had indeed spread. Such mixed feelings..I had to opt for the smaller breasts because I can't wait two months for more saline injections to make me larger..he asked me if I was sure, and I said "absolutely", I have done the D's and you can keep them..as far as I am concerned..less to go down south!! it would be a relief..who cares what size they are as long as I am healthy and will beat this..so, it looks like the condo is coming off the market for a short time and hopefully if everything goes OK, I will be on the table again getting those damn magnets out of me, and those cute breasts..I believe..I believe that it isn't my time to go..I have survived worse times, when you put it all in one big basket..and it has made me who I am..I must go on.so, one more month to wait for the surgery. It will be another step to regain my strength and fight this insidious disease...yes, it is a disease and it sucks..but I will get through this..and all of the other survivors out there, please remember that we are all in this together..there is a cure out there. Love does conquer all... first, love yourself.

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