Trying to live a healthy life

Familial Adenoma Polyposis. It has been described as a “ticking time bomb”. After years of diligent follow up suddenly I acquired a lot more polyps.  I’ve had most of my colon removed,  but if more polyps come back, they might have to do additional surgery.  Once you’ve had hundreds of polyps, it’s hard not to imagine what it would be like to have that major surgery.  The past 11 months have been rough, but i’ve been able to do everything I’ve done before. Just a lot slower. Sometimes it’s an all day encompassing exhausting scenario. 

I’ve tried to remain positive.  I won’t lie.  In the back of my mind I’ve been thinking what if it is cancer next time?what if I need more surgery.  The bottom line is that the reason I have some of my colon is because I was quick enough to listen to my body.  Quick enough to have regular screenings.  The hundreds of polyps could not be removed.  This time there isn’t a colon to keep. It could evolve into Cancer. It’s hard to hear others talk about this genetic disorder because some are further on than I am. 

It is very hard to deal with alone.   I sometimes hope that someday my family will come around and see that I need support.  I never heard from my sister or my brother or my children when I had breast cancer and I still haven’t received any communication. They are callous, but they are afraid, so they think by ghosting me it won’t happen to them.  This is GENETIC. I can’t change that. 

I am concerned because some of the pain that I was suffering from before the partial colectomy has returned. I’m trying not to think in a negative way I know that people live many years when screened regularly, but there’s always that thought of more surgery.  Until then I just hope that the karma I have had will continue.  I took care of my Dad and watched him slowly dissolve, and it took a lot out of me. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I felt every pain in every breath that he had trouble taking.

The disease is real.  I can’t run from it. I’ve been through breast cancer, Graves’ disease and I’ve had multiple surgeries afterwords.  I have survived very well.  The mind is very powerful.  You can think negative or you can think positive. I’ve always tried to think this too will pass. It has so far. Keep smiling because the present is just that.. a gift.