www.stephmastini/forgotten ones /

Regrettably I don't know how but discovered today that my blog has been tampered with and this post and one other are gone.  I will attempt to recant my ordeal and the sadness that comes with the realization that once again I had to undergo major surgery ...It happened slowly in Washington State in 2009 believe it or not..I started seeping silicone through the outer layer of the Mentor implants.  I recall asking my oncologist to check me out over and over and numerous ultra sounds were done but nothing was found because of the testing technique. Finally over a year later of constant uncomfortable sound in the back of my head saying keep pushing..there is something wrong. When I moved to GA I found a surgeon that almost seemed that she was pacifying me by allowing me after undergoing another ultra sound, that maybe there was something to this dark gloom that I kept feeling.  I honestly don't know how I knew but I remember the hospital  was a small private LDS funded

I have been busy going through old photos, and journals lately. I have commiserated on all aspects of how to get it all together in some sort of order. How can I put all my life stories on the blank pages of yet unfinished memoirs. That is my debacle. It is overwhelming. I have felt joy, love, anger, frustration, but I have never given up hope. There has been a bevy of comments written about me and I have reveled in the joy of living my life by my rules. I live to feel my fingertips abound with colors that illuminate my life, but lately those colors have turned murky. I don't know why I feel so deeply about the joys and sorrows of others, but I do. I am lucky to have been loved in my lifetime. Deeply. I want to shout out to the world that one should ever give up, but I find myself barraged by the past and I need to go forward. I am in a rain puddle and can't seem to tip toe out of it, and dry myself off. I guess the angst I am feeling should be a blessing to my art, but now it

Here we go round the Merry-Go-Round I realize it has been quite an emotional few months since I last wrote.  It has been a challenge adjusting to my new environment. The Northwest can be very beautiful but also very depressing because of the lack of sun. I truly believe that the weather can truly changes one's mood and I found myself sinking deep in an abyss. I became very depressed and despondent and ostracized myself from the outside. I am trying now to get back on the "happiness" road. It's not easy. The cancer medications can create all kinds of side effects including bone pain and that played a big factor with my emotional and mental state. I went off the Aromasin, (an aromatase inhibitor medication) and my horrible bone pain went away for a month! I decided to go back on because the fear of another cancer over rides the physical pain. Yes, it can be debilitating, but when I was asked to weigh the two, I opted to get through the next 3 years on medication.