www.stephmastini/forgotten ones /

Regrettably I don't know how but discovered today that my blog has been tampered with and this post and one other are gone.  I will attempt to recant my ordeal and the sadness that comes with the realization that once again I had to undergo major surgery ...It happened slowly in Washington State in 2009 believe it or not..I started seeping silicone through the outer layer of the Mentor implants.  I recall asking my oncologist to check me out over and over and numerous ultra sounds were done but nothing was found because of the testing technique. Finally over a year later of constant uncomfortable sound in the back of my head saying keep pushing..there is something wrong. When I moved to GA I found a surgeon that almost seemed that she was pacifying me by allowing me after undergoing another ultra sound, that maybe there was something to this dark gloom that I kept feeling.  I honestly don't know how I knew but I...

I have been busy going through old photos, and journals lately. I have commiserated on all aspects of how to get it all together in some sort of order. How can I put all my life stories on the blank pages of yet unfinished memoirs. That is my debacle. It is overwhelming. I have felt joy, love, anger, frustration, but I have never given up hope. There has been a bevy of comments written about me and I have reveled in the joy of living my life by my rules. I live to feel my fingertips abound with colors that illuminate my life, but lately those colors have turned murky. I don't know why I feel so deeply about the joys and sorrows of others, but I do. I am lucky to have been loved in my lifetime. Deeply. I want to shout out to the world that one should ever give up, but I find myself barraged by the past and I need to go forward. I am in a rain puddle and can't seem to tip toe out of it, and dry myself off. I guess the angst I am feeling should be a blessing to my art, but now it ...

Here we go round the Merry-Go-Round I realize it has been quite an emotional few months since I last wrote.  It has been a challenge adjusting to my new environment. The Northwest can be very beautiful but also very depressing because of the lack of sun. I truly believe that the weather can truly changes one's mood and I found myself sinking deep in an abyss. I became very depressed and despondent and ostracized myself from the outside. I am trying now to get back on the "happiness" road. It's not easy. The cancer medications can create all kinds of side effects including bone pain and that played a big factor with my emotional and mental state. I went off the Aromasin, (an aromatase inhibitor medication) and my horrible bone pain went away for a month! I decided to go back on because the fear of another cancer over rides the physical pain. Yes, it can be debilitating, but when I was asked to weigh the two, I opted to get through the next 3 years on medication. ...

Well, here I am currently abiding on a coastline...far away.. How did I get here..I think that destiny has brought me here, yet I am cold and it's dark and dreary most of the time. I have realized that I am resting. Sometimes it's a long way down before we can get the strength to get back up. I have developed my strength to say no to the toxic people that I have encountered in my life and I have learned since my last cancer that I enjoy my own company. I believe that this is the key to happiness. This "Little Norway" venue is quiet and has given me time to reflect on my life and accomplishments and most importantly how I can make a difference. I have tried to connect with my family but I have had a light bulb moment and realized that it's not something I did, and people in general can be cruel, even family...no, I am not mad any longer or sad. I am ambivalent, and very tired . I have travelled out here to connect with my daughter and sister. I was met with an ...

Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen/ In memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer or is still living with it.  I have recently been reminded that I have inherited the breast cancer gene. I have encouraged my daughter to be tested, as well as my sister...I pray that they heed my advise. It is Breast cancer month and we should all be aware that modern medicine has give us the gift of a prick of a needle and a potential cancer can be stopped in it's tracks.. There is a very high percentage of woman that have opted to have prophylactic mastectomies to avoid this insidious disease. I am on a campaign to bring this knowledge to as many women as possible..please, heed my advise and spend the time and yes, even the money if needed, to discover if your chances to fight for your life and be a "thriver" is in your future.  There is a very high percentage of woman that have opted to have prophylactic mastectomies to avoid this insidious dis...

I have not disappeared into outerspace everyone....I had some surgery and developed an infection from the IV, and unable to get out of a sling for quite awhile ...also there's the moving thing~ I went to visit my brother in Northern GA a few weeks ago and we had a great time.. I realized that we never really knew each other at all, in the past. It has been a long haul to get back to being brother and sister...he is the only real sibling I have...I learned that life is so much nicer when life is simpler..and slower. Now I must decide where to move and it's killing me. I should be happy and jumping out of my skin. No responsibilities, except what I want to do. That's a first!..and it would be nice to be near my neice and nephew....but I have to be selfish for once anad think about many things that may compromise my medical condition... If I do move to the South, I am once again, donating alot of my furniture to women in safe homes..I have been so busy getting this co...

Lately I have been feeling down feeling sorry for myself but than I looked out the window a rainbow had appeared and that is when I realized that I was put on this earth to help others...get through the hard times, but also to dream, create,and live each day as if I had been given a gift..to live in the present..how much more can I ask for.... I am hoping that I can be a spiritual warrior for others.. right now, I am trying to travel that path alone..and alone is not where I need to be. Crisis teaches us to travel to a better place; it is a beginning of a new time in our lives.

I had my second surgery two weeks ago. I have been thinking how lucky I was this time with my choice of a new surgeon. It truly matters implicitly, who you choose. It is so important to have a team around you that really respects you. I was treated with dignity and the little questions that the surgeon didn't tell me, were answered by my fellow NewYorker plastic surgeon's nurse..it meant so much when I woke up from my surgery, and she was standing there sporting a smile and sense of concern. She was carrying a bag of pretty bras for me to adorn myself. I smiled and realized that sometimes we must drive through the storm to see the sun... I have much more to let you in on... I would like any questions regarding reconstruction, no matter how small you might think they are...believe me, they are not..to the placing of pillows when you sleep to how much you should and can do, and for how long..the smallest things can mean so much...ex. don't count on anyone coming to...

I have been becoming a bit despondent lately and it has been a roller coaster ride....I have trouble sleeping, and than at about 2-3 pm (used to be 4 pm) everyday, I am hit with overwhelming fatigue...I can't keep my eyes open and it puts a fear in me when I get behind the wheel, but I have no choice..I must press on..Today was a good day; though the fatigue hit me hard at 3pm, I was happy to see a smiling and magnanimous plastic surgeon, caring and hopeful; what a difference from my last experience..He is kind and empathetic..he was wonderful, and his assistant was from Scarsdale , NY! my home town! I tried to hold back the tears, when I realized that the only way to find out the truth was to have my magnet expander's FINALLY taken out..it is a relief, but still, very frightening to be alone and facing a major surgery. A possiblity than after a approximately month of convalescing and not being able to do anything physical I will a test to see if the cancer had indeed sprea...

Flight  "STEPH" I sometimes sit in pity on myself, and ask "why me?" That is when I realize that we are not privy to what turn our lives will take. One moment we can be sitting in our safe home and the next it could be flooding all around us...We can easily be washed up in sorrow. There is one thing I do know. I will never give up hope..and will not believe for one moment that medical prognosis' or diagnoses are the end to end all...We can actually shrink our  tumors, with love and prayer and believing that it is not so.I recently went for a second opinion from a new oncologist. She nonchalantly walked into the exam room and all I could see on her face were her eyes, from the mask she was wearing.  Her glassy, red, ill eyes peered out at me. I was shocked that a doctor could be so incompetent to expose her cancer patients to a nasty cold (flu) bug (she informed me that she had a nasty cold)..she spoke her words between my nose blowing, and did...

The smell of the salt in the air as I pick up my array of shells... beckons me... The winds blow my hair back, ...and I smile the sea calls me whispering to me ..to follow my heart... to feel the colors that surround me to paint the many hues that make up my life..

Lately I have been fascinated with the commments that have been posted on Madame Aracti's site regarding religion and spirituality. It is clear that this is a very sensitive subject. I have recently been informed that yet another suspiscious and possible health scare must be addressed. I can sit at home and feel sorry for myself..there is always that possibility, but will that help me, or others? To get to the point. I have learned that helping others will always make you feel a spritual high. That is how I describe it. I will not leave this world without a legacy...is there more to life than flesh and bone..you are damn right! It's what's inside that has an impact. Not what is written in a book. I truly believe that if we don't practice what we preach, we will see a rise in the population of "Forgotten Ones"... From my viewpoint and hopefully others, the only religion that truly matters is love. When you love your fellow man it can cure disease, and bri...

I have been trying to understand the dynamics of a dysfunctional family..especially when there is someone in need of love and compassion... Yes, it's a cliche that you can pick your friends but not your family..but it's a knife that cuts deep..I personally encountered that over the Holidays with much sadness. What a shame and down right piss ant way to go in love and light..what hypocrisy! To claim that you art so holy and giving at the Holiday "love" fest at home... as they give thanks are they thinking about anything but the perfectly arranged food plate...? Ever watch "Home for the Holidays"?..now that was "dysfunction", but at the end of the movie you know that they would all be communicating again..not just to say "pass the eggnog" laced with healthy doses of libations... why don't we give a bit more to the ones that we call "family". Hand me a plate of gourmet contrived Holiday food and I will barf. If I hear of anothe...

we all know it's breast cancer month...but did you know that they are now conducting a study that will involve one million woman that have sisters who have (had) breast cancer... we are trying to eradicate this horrible disease. Let's start by rallying together and holding hands in this fight. I am hoping to get involved in this study if my sister is willing to participate..I can't do it alone. My Halloween birthday wish is to touch my sister not just for me, but for all the woman that have endured this disease. Cancer is a disease but it can also be a magical time to reach out to families that have not been close in the past... So, here's a plea to my sister. Reach out and get in contact with me, I have had breast cancer twice, a mastectomy and reconstruction. Let's not let this happen to anyone else in our family, including my lovely daughter... steph x

Back to New York of course. I want to start off by thanking many of the people that have helped me along my journey. I have received loving wishes from all facets of the communities, through this entangled web. My move back to New York has been sprinkled with obstacles and emotional times..frustrations, smiles and memories to be relived and renewed friendships... Now I am here to say that the rewards of the love and caring thoughts sent my way have been inspiring. I needed to get off my pitty pot and start living again... I am here to tell you that it isn't an easy thing when you have left and come back to a different world, but still...my home. I was faced with having to change my life to a degree and hardest of all, accept help. (something I have not been known to excel at in the past). I realize that the most important part of healing is listening to your body. Slow down and listen, it's totally acceptable to say "no,I can't today" and rest. I have also...

Sunday, March 30, 2008 Stephanie Mastini: 'My two battles with cancer' Kevin Spacey's former sister-in-law Stephanie Mastini has suffered two bouts of breast cancer in less than two years. Here she gives a graphic account of dealing with her illnesses - and offers advice to women everywhere. Steph! So glad you're on the mend. Tell us the history of your cancer problems leading up to the recent serious health episode. It all began on a relaxing sun kissed day. I was enjoying the sun and applying protection lotion when I suddenly felt a small pea-sized lump in my right breast. I knew immediately what it was. It didn’t move like the other cysts I had felt before. I have always had an uncanny way of knowing my body. I waited a few weeks to gather my thoughts and get prepared. I should have acted immediately. Act quickly. After a few weeks, I asked my internist to feel the lump. She didn’t think I had anything to worry about but had been my doctor for years...

FLIGHT by steph I have a wonderful friend. He wrote this song for me.... I was so touched that I wanted to share the lyrics....he is an incredible musician and song writer...I wanted to thank him publicly for his love, and his constant encouragement...I will be having my surgery on Monday...In the meantime...Frank Barrese will be in the recording studio putting the last touches on his tribute..Thank you my wonderful confidante...with love, steph WHEN STEPHANIE SMILES There's nothing so sweet as when Stephanie smiles The sun shines much brighter, there's blue skies for miles The breezes feel blessed, just to blow through her hair And I am in heaven whenever she's near There's nothing so sad as when Stephanie's gone The birds in the trees sing a sad, lonesome song And I start to hunger for her gentle touch But I can't let on that I miss her so much So I suffer in silence and wait patiently Until Stephanie smiles at me Stephanie lives in a wo...

    A long due update... I needed to absorb this new diagnosis.. it's true..I have been diagnosed with breast cancer again, and now I need to have a bilateral mastectomy..... I hope that I can chronicle this journey and come out on top...help others by telling my story... I firmly believe that this is a new chapter ...a difficult one at best, but I hope that all the support I have shown to my "Forgotten Ones" will come back to me...I believe there is a reason for everything in life...but still, it SUCKS..to be blunt...having a support team is so important, and that is what I have been working on the last few weeks..it has been exahusting; sometimes cancer society will get a call from me at 2 AM they have a 24 hour hot line called YME?(I will share the number in my next blog)... I have cried a river, and now I am at the angry stage but getting to the acceptance part...I will be having reconstruction immediately, so I will have those 18 year old breasts in one year..!nev...

GOOD KARMA 1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. 3. Follow the three R’s:   Respect for self,   Respect for others and   Responsibility for all your actions. 4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship. 7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 8. Spend some time alone every day. 9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. 10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time. 12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. 13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past. 14. ...