www.stephmastini/forgotten ones /

                                  Breast Cancer Survivor  October has come around again.  It is the month for breast cancer awareness. I try very hard to give people hope.   My story is an ode to stubbornness and a will to survive.  ******************************************************   I’ve been having some new medical symptoms,  My new Bloodwork leans towards a polymyalgia diagnosis and Breast implant illness.   I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia for years now but all of a sudden  every muscle in my body hurts.  I’ve been having some arrhythmia too. I’m very fatigued and I have not been myself.  Graves’ disease is a difficult disease to manage.  It requires regular bloodwork and It has also effected my heart.  I found breast cancer twice, both times so small that my surgeon said she’s never seen anyone find cancer that small .  I truly believe that when my implants are removed I will feel so much better.  I have goals. I will not succumb to a giving up attitude.  I’m

    I have been filled with a new drive.    I am writing my book.     For years I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the phrase “ you have to write a book”     I’ve been compiling my adventures and stories of survival for many years in my journals. It’s so strange to have started this project and every day I remember more and more .       They’re just coming to me so easily. Why not? They're all true. That’s what’s so fun about this, but it’s also very emotional. I have carte blanche on my life and hoping soon to share stories of survival.     What a life I have had and I’m still on the road to recovery and hope.     Reliving my adventures are building blocks of my paintings.     To be able to tie them together is now an epiphany.     This is my life. Stay tuned.

I was thinking today about my life as a daughter of a man that was so beloved by so many.  My mother was always trying to be more than the background. She managed pretty well. She was at all the  events.  Wherever and whenever she could she entered the worm hole! If there was any opportunity to be a part of my Dad’s very active community and decisions such as a den mother she was eager to join. When I see them here I conjure up the many awards and accolades Dad received. I truly believe that without her always by his side he could not have built his legacy.   The last year’s of my mother’s life seem like a blur after my Dad was gone. I was trying to keep the fort down many times while I watched my parents love and raw emotions they shared.  My mother acted as if she was trying to erase a lot of the pain seeing my father physically struggling by keeping herself as busy as possible. She had a lot to share and needed to get out .  So she volunteered at the ementary school do

If you are alone right now and feeling very sad then you are not alone.    This is the last Christmas I’m going to be alone. I hope my daughter someday understands what true “family” means.   I am fighting a battle every day medically.   When everyone needed me I was always there. I went up and beyond and over.   For what ? To not be invited to go to your own daughter’s wedding? It certainly does not mean that you keep my grandson away from even a computer until he was four.. And then after less than a half a dozen Skype calls you just tell me I will never talk or see Everest again. All I need to know is why?  I’m all alone because I became very ill when I lived in Georgia . I had to find a place fast. I lived in a town where no one understood my disease because they didn’t want to.  I had to muster every bit of courage and  strength left in me to pack up that 2400  square-foot house after thinking how the hell am I going to get out of there.  I d

Kevin  Fowler Spacey “Every picture tells a story don’t it”   The whole Fowler family has some big dark secrets .  It wasn’t easy living with his brother.  

This speech will open many doors.  I hope one of them will be for you.  You are not forgotten.  Maybe, you were like me.  Afraid. Afraid because I thought I did something to cause all the pain that was done to me. It didn’t matter how pretty I was or how talented.  I was broken.  I’m still trying to glue myself back into who I think I deserve to be. But I’m a lot stronger now. https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=14KX7xOJsqE I have spent years trying to understand and forgive myself for  blaming Myself for all the many traumatic situations I have survived miraculously.  Yes, even the sexual assaults.  I might not have Stefani's voice but everything she said Affected me so deeply including the PTSD, the physical pain... .  Hiding away.  Trying to go on, I too felt every day.  I was given many opportunities just like her. Opportunities that could have brought me into that room with her. But I kept turning them down, blaming my daughter, because she d

2008 February Day before Mastectomy  In Japan, they don’t see the cracks or scars as broken pieces. Kintsugi teaches that broken objects are not something to hide but to display with pride.  The unique cracks each tell a story. The breaks become beauty.   They take on a whole new life of their own. I am “kintsugi”.  My art has always reflected my scars.  This has become a whole new awareness for me and my art. I am now in the tenth year of my breast cancer survival.  I was all ready to have final two procedures to finish my breast reconstruction.  At the last hour the night before my surgery, literally the 11th hour I was told that I didn’t have an aide for overnight stay, so anesthesia was out . My plastic surgeon is a real NY curmudgeon,  He was mad at me when I arrived at his office. I walked in and he looked stern.  He said he was not happy about screwing up his surgery schedule.  I tried to explain how it was the Personal Aide Agency that messed my s

On this day we honor a man Senator John McCain.  His life and accomplishments remind me of my father Frank Mastini's life. The parallels are quite astonishing and anyone that knew my Dad would agree he would have made a great politician. Though many of the great things he did for others were not public knowledge.  He confided in me many personal things, and I guess it was because as he said to me "you would not judge me". My Dad did not have a eulogy, or a casket, which upset me so, but all my Dad really wanted is to be remembered by his kindness, stern ideals, and an immigrant that truly made his mark on the world.  I only wish he could have instilled his sense of fairness in my sister and brother.  My Dad was all about that.  It would make my father so sad to hear that even in his death he wanted his children to have a bit of his miraculous journey.  He crafted three model ships for each of his children.  It was in his will that they would be given to us in

                                                                   I've been as ked to do many things in my life !  Wonderful opportunities . I was writing short stories back as a small child and putting on plays since I was five.  My third-grade teacher encouraged me.  I loved writing this stories as much as I loved painting. Apparently she told my parents I had a gift.  Every time I tell somebody one of my “stories”they are entranced, And they invariably say that isn’t true is it?. Oh yes it’s all true.  All of a sudden my brain is just running through the meadows of the nightmares of the past.  I will just say one thing,  everything I write is the absolute truth. They  are my stories of my far from boring life.  What  makes an interesting story?  It’s the way that you tell it.  So come along for the ride, it’s going to be a bumpy  ride.  I  have always kept journals and have been blessed with so many of my father’s talents.  He could tell a  story.  I was blessed t

As the world turns  The domino effect is felt so close This surreal idiot can’t help but gloat Line up and take your chance After all the world is quite entranced  babies are born and firefighters die Planes are hijacked encircling the sky While the flames continue to climb high Still the world turns Tornadoes form while floods climb high It keeps our Wall Street still alive Exports, imports all awry Immigrants hear their babies cry And still the world turns  Build the wall Arm our teachers Could this world get any bleaker As the world turns Farmers cry for retribution  While leaders hide from contributions  But still the world turns Beat the odds and play to win As Vegas flourishes in sin Putin wears his mask so well While 45 will kiss and tell The lies the pain we all endure Because we are all still at war  And still the world turns As strawberry fields still sings its song Where did we all go all so wrong And still the world turns ____Stephani

                                                         My sister and brother need to understand we are related.  I have not received one item from my mother and father’s estate that I was promised. They took everything ?! Even what was mine.  Problem is they scammed my mother.  I had my NY attorney  come to the condo and read the papers that my aunt and my brother wrote out that my mom signed. She had no understanding of what she signed. My attorney said we can fight for my rights. No, I’m just here to tell the truth. When my attorney explained changed  papers my mother yelled “no I don’t want that”. What did the papers say? To summarize, that they could at anytime take everything she owned. Yes,  her money, her car, her condo and throw her in a nursing home and that’s just what they did . My father knew that I was the responsible one, I took care of him and my mom for years, so  that’s why he gifted the house I was living in.  I am angry they put my mother in a nursing hom

  No one prepared me for my mother's death.  My sister and brother don’t communicate. So just now when I got the winning last question On jeopardy I just lost it.  I remember the usual nights at my parents.  Jeopardy was watched as we ate dinner and how proud they were of me as I answered many of the questions . .   I need closure of some kind.  Why is this happening? I suddenly burst out in tears  . The last year's of my father's life I spent every possible day with them.  My mom was a smart woman, and she wasn’t a vain woman. She made allot of children very happy as a teacher’s aide.  Where is a Mass card?  I never even got one of the promised last remains. My daughter told me there were three containers for her children.   Tears again ... just thinking of that moment I last saw her at the door saying goodbye after I had spent a month with her in  2011. I was really happy I spent that time with her.  She was a simple woman but yet she knew a lot of trivia and mod